Rain cloud…

As I stand here thinking of a rope again… well, possibly; I see what no one else does… I feel it too… rain! Coming down upon my weary minded bald head from an imaginary grey cloud above me that I myself conjured there. “Why pretend to care when I don’t?” I ask myself. “Fk!… I care I mean, but why the hell should I?… what good will it bring?”… knowing only what u see is the worst of plights I used to say; but now though… living mostly off of what’s felt, when ur souls constantly in an emotional uproar is what’s got me constantly thinking of jumping ship and into the cold and black waters of oblivion. All I’m being presented is that which I’m being told I can’t have without paying the ultimate price for and that’s what drives me to thoughts of murder and complete madness. Why?!… u said all of this wasn’t created in jest or as a part of some game but then u said that the life of this world “is” but a game and an amusement…so??? all of these feelings to keep contained. Every road my soul calls me to tread leads to the blazing fire… everyone I know doesn’t give a passing thought of seriousness to anything I say or do in ur name. How the hell am I supposed to stand tall and noble in the world’s quicksand and not sink? All of my so called good deeds are tainted with the poison of my damned self-worshipping ego! In truth, I am and have nothing! Nothing but the whisper of one possible heart felt prayer to u as I drown in all my rage, self-hate, and falsehood… Oh my Creator! I am a traitor! A liar! I am twisted, ugly, and very sinful inside and out!…but I’m asking u anyway… “U” and no one else! Forgive me! Please please forgive me!… for I believe, even in the core of all my soul’s darkness, that none can do that but “U!”…

Published by Pack Redfeather

I am a walking contradiction of traditions some say. An African American and Native American Muslim poet with a personal life history as violently turbulent as a Storm. A visionary from the bottom of life’s social barrel striving to share the hope found in the light of faith through sometimes dark but real poetry. I’m a former member of the Bloods street gang, former serial bank robber, and both federal/state prison convict. I live on my mother’s tribal reservation of the Leech Lake band of Ojibwe in Minnesota.

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