Craziness

True danger is that which is under pressure… harm tightly contained and not out in the open and freely floating in the atmosphere. Many I listen to in silence, “I’m crazy!” They claim. “ I’m broken! I’m a nut case!” Etc etc etc…ok, maybe u are and maybe ur really not… idk, but I’ll tell u something I know and what u may be wondering about. U all hear me call myself a warrior all the time… do u want to know why? Because this space in my life as I live now, is truthfully, the longest I’ve ever been in my life on my own sober, successfully employed, and free! U cry mental health and hide behind psychological diagnoses like some damn piece of paper written in haste by some over-worked clinician honestly fills the total capacity of ur God-created psychic being!.. u people call this crazy huh??? Man, smack urself! U brag about ur brokenness and refuse true help because truthfully ur lying to the world! U don’t want to work for urs! U don’t want to be honest and try! U don’t want to really fight, although u talk about fighting “all the time” without throwing a punch! U don’t want to suffer to raise kids u urself made either on ur back or on top of another on theirs, out there just irresponsibly doing u! No!… I’ll tell u what craziness truly is! It’s war! War against all ur own bullshit! It’s getting up early and getting to work when u really want to lie and call in to sleep! It’s saying no to that fkn joint, pipe, or bottle because ur kids are running around hungry and need their pampers changed and to be watched and fed. It’s silencing ur tongue from lashing everyone ur mood turns against. It’s giving when u barely got anything urself and not making a fkn show of it! Doing it just to challenge ur own selfish greed. It’s helping the world even though u really long to burn it down! To hold and maintain a cyclone in ur soul with a smile on ur face when u really want to holler and cry! Now this is crazy!… the fake, rebellious, but really pathetically over-sexualized lonely Facebook bad-girl or the forever hard but always hurt fk the world I’m a “Sav” or “thug till I die” personality type are the most obvious flags of self-defeat I’ve ever seen. It’s weak!… but it’s real… and it’s here! Ur a tough nothing, who can’t even will urself to quit killing urself, but ur constantly threatening to kill everyone else. But I’m not here to crush u!…but to educate u from the side line. I see so much… I’m trying to show u what I see… so do u see? U can get up and do this… many (honest with themselves) people have… I am doing it now with God’s help and mercy… let’s quit bullshitting and get it together!

Published by Pack Redfeather

I am a walking contradiction of traditions some say. An African American and Native American Muslim poet with a personal life history as violently turbulent as a Storm. A visionary from the bottom of life’s social barrel striving to share the hope found in the light of faith through sometimes dark but real poetry. I’m a former member of the Bloods street gang, former serial bank robber, and both federal/state prison convict. I live on my mother’s tribal reservation of the Leech Lake band of Ojibwe in Minnesota.

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