An old obsession of mine that’s now just a memory… but I’ll tell u something. One of the deepest things I learned out there came from the mouth of one of my enemies… A Crip. We were in a half way house together coming out of the joint and he was already back on it. He told me if u play u play big…and if u go out… u go out all the way. He carried around in his truck an automatic assault rifle the likes of which I’ve never seen before. He looked me over one day and checked out all my red. He told me straight. Ur playing Pack u ain’t really bout that shit. I looked at him and asked what he meant by that. Unafraid he asked me an honest question. What the hell are u going to do if I roll up on u out there, throw up a fkn blood sign, get shot, and die?…Who do u think is out there? U think everyone’s playing both sides of the fence like u doing, good and bad? U think everyone’s going to walk away and give u a pass just cuz they’re out there playing too? Where u think u at?…U see what I got… now what do u have?!… This new road I’m on… ppl ask all the time,” Pack how do u do it?” If I were to tell u what kind of deeds I push myself to engage in to keep going forward perhaps I fear my deeds would be lost according to Islamic teachings because they’re done for God’s notice alone and not urs… ur knowledge of what I do for me in his remembrance serves me no true benefit at all. What I will say though is just like that Crip taught me, if u truly decide to step on this path don’t bullshit urself that it’s going to be made easy for u. The world’s still the word and people are still people… it can be ruthless… so In the way of a soldier active in the battle field u must also be ruthless. metaphorically. Go all the way… sobriety for keeps. Fk breaking kuz ur bored! To hell with balling up and crying for momma because nobody likes u! Ur lonely! Need to unwind! Maybe later when things calm down, No! No! No! U keep marching forward and kicking ur own lying bullshit out of ur way.. excuses! If others in worse situations can do it, then why the hell cant u?!… I’ve gone past the point of return… to hell with going back… so why u playing, what’s ur story?

Published by Pack Redfeather

I am a walking contradiction of traditions some say. An African American and Native American Muslim poet with a personal life history as violently turbulent as a Storm. A visionary from the bottom of life’s social barrel striving to share the hope found in the light of faith through sometimes dark but real poetry. I’m a former member of the Bloods street gang, former serial bank robber, and both federal/state prison convict. I live on my mother’s tribal reservation of the Leech Lake band of Ojibwe in Minnesota.

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