My enemies…I guess I cannot hate u for playing the same game in which I myself was the dealer of years ago but subhaanallah how it hurts to leave u be…I see the fragility of what’s left of ur genuity and I sadly shake my head. I’ve had women speak of their love for Allah first and his mercy and then use the same name to curse me with when I couldn’t financially provide anymore towards their games. Men swearing in Allahs name they’d stand in prayer for me all night and beg for blessings upon me if I’d just send a little bit more money. People who are supposed to be close to me using the only name that’ll keep the devil in me somewhat chained up talking about my path day and night as if they even walked an honest step on it so that I wouldn’t step on the head of the lie they’re living. It sickens me… do u not know of the hour? How is it u people feel so safe from the great knower of hearts? Heaven…yeah I believe in it…but I also believe in it’s exact opposite as well. I can’t send u there. Even entertaining in my heart or off of my tongue that my own judgement of u could, jeopardizes my own safety before the lord of the throne. He’s the disposer of all affairs and not I…so it’s my duty to learn to be silent towards hypocrisy and keep my distance from people who use any of God’s names to justify their worldly perverseness. God loves me! God forgives! Only he can judge me! I’m good! …maybe this is true but only fools live without fear of consequence. Putting his mercy to the test. Do u not call him besides the pardoner of sins, the judge? Even in the Bible there’s spoken of in revelations the lake of fire. About the weighing of ur deeds good and bad. Many will come in my name… have u not heard this? Changing the words of God to fit thier current moods or mental states. I’ve been hated on for helping. For speaking straight when few others do. U want to get out of bondage, then be sincere when u ask for deliverance. I’m not as perfect as u pack blah blah blah! How many times must I reveal my own sins to teach u of urs? I’ve done worse then Ull ever do! What u see me doing is no saint’s walk. The flight of no beautiful angel. It burns to obey! To hush the screaming of ur own ego. To say no to illicit sex when Ive done it all my life! To just that little weekend drink! To sell a little weed for extra money. To lie to get by. To eat instead of fast. To sleep instead of pray. To superfluously spend on my wants instead of others needs be they kin or strangers. Ur god’s expectation of u is like he never gave u drive, reason, or sense. Ur not responsible because ur only human. No… we’re not the same. I’m proving through action everyday that those beliefs that even I used to live by, that u don’t have to spiritually strive or try are just balls and chains. Mobile prisons. Nothing comes from nothing. To u be ur way and me be mine… good luck believing that all will just be handed to u with no effort… if he’s truley just and fair how and why would he give a deserter and a slacker the same reward as a warrior in battle who did not run and the one who sweated through actual work and toil to eat??? Think!

Published by Pack Redfeather

I am a walking contradiction of traditions some say. An African American and Native American Muslim poet with a personal life history as violently turbulent as a Storm. A visionary from the bottom of life’s social barrel striving to share the hope found in the light of faith through sometimes dark but real poetry. I’m a former member of the Bloods street gang, former serial bank robber, and both federal/state prison convict. I live on my mother’s tribal reservation of the Leech Lake band of Ojibwe in Minnesota.

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